Facing our Fears

Facing our Fears

My biggest fear in life has been going under (general anesthesia). My fear was SOOO substantial that I actually had my wisdom teeth pulled with the maximum of 17 shots of novocaine and opted for natural childbirth (no epi, nada) just to avoid my facing my fear.

Several years ago I was involved in a horseriding accident. When the ER Dr told me I had shattered my collarbone and that he recommended surgery I had a complete emotional breakdown and refused surgery... I still feel embarrassed about how I must have appeared. After a week of researching others with a similar injury, I finally gave in and faced my biggest fear. I had an amazing team of Kaiser Permanente Drs and medical staff taking care of me and the anesthesiologist and I had a good laugh searching YouTube for videos on how to remove my belly ring (no metal in the ER room). He even held my hand as we went into the ER room. Lights out. I made it through and faced my biggest fear. A part of me felt a little invincible after that... okay, just a wee bit. 

Fast forward a few years and as the song goes... Everything can change in a New York minute. I had a busy morning and to "save" time and avoid a trip to the post office I decided to put my shipments in our mailbox for pickup by our local carrier.

As I walked down our sidewalk I tripped and started to go flying right into our huge cactus garden... of course, the fall was in slow motion as I found myself saying HELL NOOOOOOO as I turned my body back to the sidewalk and instead landed on the boulders that outlined the garden. Smash down I went bracing my fall with my wrists. There I was surrounded by cactus and rocks and couldn't pull myself up. If it wasn't for our Ring video I would have no idea how I actually managed to make it back inside the house - let's just say it wasn't pretty.

Injury Xray

When the angels of doom (aka the orthopedic nurses) came to tell me I needed surgery I didn't cry as hard or put up a fight like when I had shattered my collarbone. I surrendered to it having already faced that fear years before. I finally got it. I had walked through the fire of fear. I am now the official Bionic Woman with plates and pins in both wrists. 

Once again, I was blessed to have an amazing team at Kaiser (Baldwin Park) who took great care of me through the surgery. The surgery ended up being the easy part... it was the aftercare that was a different story. Having experienced "natural" childbirth I can honestly say this was the most horrific pain I have ever experienced in my life. There were no pain pills that worked so I ended up not taking anything other than over the counter. 

I was in casts up to my elbows on both wrists/arms. I wasn't able to do "anything" yes I mean anything. OK, I "could" cry in frustration and pain, let's be real I probably did a lot of that the first month, or two. But when you've been the primary caregiver and those that have depended upon you are now taking care of you. I mean seriously... my 92-year-old mom was feeding me Frosted Flakes every morning, bless her heart and loving every minute of it. 

My son-in-law took did all the cooking and well Chris... Chris basically was me for 2 months. Taking care of everything I wasn't able to do which in the beginning was everything. Laundry, cleaning, bathing me, driving and even working for me. All in all, it was a very humbling experience for me. 

I consider myself doubly blessed... it could have been so much worse and I am forever grateful for my family who all stepped up to the plate to help me in every way, shape, and form. I am also grateful for my loving clients who understood and were kind and patient. Not exactly the way I had pictured a vacation going. 

Work was a struggle. Chris had previous web design experience so he was a complete natural helping me while I walked him through revisions and edits. As the days became weeks I had more movement in my wrists was able to do more work for longer with the use of a trackpad and voice to text. 

That was back in May... four months later, other than the occasional overuse and extreme soreness - I am back at full speed. The trackpad has been replaced by my beloved mouse and I've told Sari to go to hell (we didn't see eye to eye very well). While I can now pick up a bit more than a coffee cup I am still not overextending myself and I've actually not taken everything back on... which I think amazes everyone (including myself). I have scars that hopefully will fade away with time but so I don't look at them all the time I am treating myself to mani's and pedi's and if you know me you can quit laughing. Yes, the horse girl finally has nails. :)

So how was your summer? 



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